Doing Hard Better
A Christian Response to Mental and Emotional Weakness
I’m just going to say it: we’ve become a mentally and emotionally weak generation. I’d be the first to admit that I’ve had my share of what Spurgeon called “fainting fits.” As our culture emphasizes a topic, whether we like to admit it or not, we become more prone to overfocusing on it. And there’s a theme that’s been rising—mental health. The more it’s normalized in public conversation, the more the thought settles in the back of our minds. As stress builds and worries creep in, we react with higher and higher levels of anxiety. And it spirals. For that reason and many others, we’ve become more mentally and emotionally fragile—individually, corporately, and culturally—than those in generations before us. To some extent, this is the struggle of a culture that lives with much luxury and comfort. We have the time to sit back and think more about how we think and feel.
I was struck by a discussion that Duke women’s head basketball coach Kara Lawson had with her players. She said, “I’ve just gotta get through this and then it’ll be easy… We wait for it to get easier. It will never get easier. What happens is you handle hard better.”
Christian, we must get better at handling hard better. My heart in this article is to give counsel similar to Paul’s counsel to his godly but timid disciple Timothy: “My son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 2:1). How can a Christian conquer when life is filled with so many stressors? Let’s consider some important principles.
1. If You Withdraw, Do So to Spend Time with God, Not to Be Left to Your Own Thoughts.
The thought has often been, “I’m really struggling emotionally; I need some time to clear my head.” So what do we do? We go back to our home or apartment. We get a snack. We sit there and think. Or we scroll or binge. Question: After all that, do you come out thinking more clearly? Has your depression subsided? Have your emotions stabilized? This doesn’t provide solutions; it just elongates our mental struggles. Because the fact is, emptying or distracting our minds doesn’t help us grow; filling our minds with truth does.
There are times when withdrawing can be helpful, but not to withdraw to ourselves. Withdrawing for time with God in His Word, prayer, and personal worship does. Jesus Himself did that; He departed into a mountain and prayed (Matthew 14:23). Paul told Timothy to meditate on Scripture and give himself completely to that, and his profiting would appear to all (1 Timothy 4:15). It is good to calm our souls with Psalm 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God.”
2. Force Yourself to Be with Other Christians When You’re Mentally and Emotionally Weak.
This point builds on the previous one. I believe that as we often retreat to our solitude, we are actually running away from the very people who might speak truth into our lives in ways that we desperately need.
In the Psalms, the psalmist went to the house of God, and there he understood his struggles better (Psalm 73:17). He didn’t make better sense of his life until he was worshipping God with God’s people. In Hebrews, we provoke ourselves unto love and good works by being together as much as possible (Hebrews 10:24–25). David and Jonathan needed each other. Paul heavily relied on his mission teams. Did you know that there are over 100 uses in the New Testament of the simple phrase “one another”? So much of our growth happens when we are in iron-sharpening-iron relationships. The more we withdraw, the more we struggle. God wired us to grow and thrive together.
3. Become More Disciplined and Self-Controlled, Because That Fuels Your Endurance.
I was recently studying the beautiful chain of virtues provided in 2 Peter 1. Add to your faith virtue, and to virtue knowledge… etc. As I meditated on the progression, two links in that chain stood out to me: self-control and endurance. It makes total sense. In order to endure and remain steadfast in my day-to-day life, I must have personal discipline.
“For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive what is promised. Therefore, do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward” (Hebrews 10:35–36).
You need physical self-control. When I worked at camp, our director encouraged us to take an “Elijah weekend,” inspired by Elijah’s retreat after fleeing Jezebel following his victory over the prophets of Baal (1 Kings 19:3–8). After expending ourselves physically and spiritually during camp, the goal was simple: eat, pray, sleep, and spend personal time with the Lord. This recharged our spiritual batteries for the week ahead. Think about it: how can you endure the daily rollercoaster of life if you’re not well-rested? How can you focus at work if your body never gets exercise? How can you be properly fueld if you’re crashing from junk food? Physical self-control equips your God-given body to keep moving forward. Bring your body under control (1 Cor. 9:27).
You need mental and emotional self-control. We’re told to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). We’re to keep our hearts with all diligence, for out of it come all the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23). Learn to capture thoughts and filter thoughts, see if they’re true and praise-worthy, and replace them with productive meditations (Phil. 4:8).
You need electronic self-control. Studies like those Jonathan Haidt publishes in The Anxious Generation show that screens have caused actual, physical harm to our brains. Many medical professionals are overwhelmed by endless online charting, teachers have electronic needs for lecturing and grading, pastors worry about websites and social media, and teens feel pressure to be influencers to remain relevant. We cannot retreat entirely from these tools, but we must exercise discipline in how often we expose our minds to screens.
You need time-management self-control. Every minute matters. Scripture reminds us to “redeem the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16). Discipline in how we use our time is foundational to mental, emotional, and spiritual endurance. As Oswald Sanders writes, “Time lost can never be retrieved. Time cannot be hoarded, only spent well” (Sanders, Spiritual Leadership, p. 113).
4. Practice Gratitude.
“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). As simple as it is, we must call ourselves to count our blessings. Gratitude is godly, and if there are ever days when we’re looking at our life pessimistically, we are not walking in the Spirit. We need a healthy dose of verses like:
- “The lines have fallen unto me in pleasant places” (Psalm 16:6)
- “He has dealt bountifully with me” (Psalm 13:6)
- “Give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good; for His mercy endureth forever” (Psalm 107:1)
So, if you’re struggling, stop. List five things that you’re thankful to God for. Then do five more. And watch your perspective change.
5. Learn How to Properly Balance Your Priorities.
Your relationship with God should be the most important priority of life: more important than work, and yes, even family. “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness” (Matthew 6:33).
We often think of our priorities as a hierarchical list, where God occupies the top spot, followed by other obligations ranked in descending order. Family supersedes church, church supersedes work, work supersedes hobbies, etc. Yet each has its proper place and timing. We shouldn’t think of God-given priorities in competition to each other. Rather, we pivot from one to the next in the appropriate times and places.
For example, let’s think of a dad who needs to go to work in the morning. As he’s leaving the house, his kids cry because they don’t want him to leave. As a father, he wants to be there for his children. But as an employee, he has a responsibility to show up to work on time. It’s not wrong for him to leave the house and go to work. But at the end of his workday, it’s important for him to go home and give his wife and kids his attention. His priorities aren’t in conflict; he just needs to give them the appropriate attention at the appropriate times.
For more thoughts on this, check out this excellent article: growingfathers.com/the-problem-with-priority-lists/.
6. Keep Serving and Ministering.
One of the most important responses to stress is not to say, “I need help.” It’s rather to say, “Others need help, and I will serve them.” It might seem like an oxymoron, but one of the greatest things to do when you’re stressed is to serve others. Do you have outlets for that? If not, you need to make them. Invest in someone less mature in their spiritual walk. Go to that friend who’s in the valley. Take on that new service opportunity that God brings your way. This is a major antidote to the stressors of life that you’re facing.
“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 15:58). With the mind of Christ, we’re told to “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others” (Philippians 2:4). Don’t view your occupation as a job. See it as a calling. Don’t see your life as an endless train of “adulting” responsibilities. View your life as a ministry. 2 Corinthians 1 says that we are ministers, stewards of the mysteries of God.
Life is hard, but as Christians, we can endure hardness as soldiers of Jesus Christ (2 Timothy 2:3). I pray this article helps you “do hard better” and allows you, like young Timothy, to be “strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.”
